My So called Life

The other day I walked into Paradise Bakery and locked eyes with this man I had a crush on about ten years ago.  He was sitting at a table with two friends waiting for their order. And I know he saw me and recognized me, but we didn't speak at all.  I never told him I had a crush on him, but he may have known.  I was never very good at acting normal around boys I had crushes on.  He never asked me out, but when we were in the singles ward together I had started to date Josh, so I have no way of knowing if he was ever interested in me back.

What is that wild look that people get in their eyes when they run into someone they didn't expect to?  I know he instantly recognized me, but I didn't instantly recognize him and I walked right by him to a table. (Probably much to his relief.) I really don't know if it was a look of terror, shock, dumbfoundedness.  I don't know, but I like to think he was thinking that he missed out on what would've been the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him!

I bring this up because I was so happy to see him.  Not for the reason that you think.  If I was happy to see him because I missed him that would be messed up! I'm happily married and have a baby. 

No. I was happy to see him because I saw what I had NOT missed out on.  I didn't recognize him because he looked so different.  When I knew him he looked just like Jared Leto on "My So Called Life". 

I had the hugest crush on Jared Leto in "My So Called Life". 

But now he looks just like Jared Leto today. 

He's too thin.  His hair is greesy.  He looked like a Skater.  He just looked like he was stuck, or had deteriorated emotionally since I knew him.  And I was glad that I had continued to grow and had outgrown my crush on him.  And it made me think of all the guys I had wanted to date, or had dated and how grateful I was that I had married Josh instead of anyone else.